On Relationships and Being Wrong(ed)

You may have a strained relationship with someone, due in part to having wronged them in some way. You may have reconciled with them, but things are not the same. You may want things to be as they were. But sometimes, people need space to evaluate situations. You have to give them time to process their feelings.

First. Understand that feelings do not have a cut-off date. They do not expire. You cannot expect people to “get over it” or “move on” because, people have long memories. We remember being hurt, by whom, and how it made us feel. We may choose to forgive, but we don’t forget. We may try to put those feelings aside, but we cannot always suppress or overcome them.

Sometimes we can’t stop remembering that we have been wronged and how that felt.

We may distance ourselves from the people who’ve wronged us. Not because we hold a grudge, but because, we do not want to risk feeling that way again. It’s important to acknowledge that you hurt someone without invalidating their feelings. No “I didn’t intend to” or “I already apologized.” Apologies are only words, with no power to actually change anything. Only time can do that. Only acknowledging and improving your faults can do that. Only a change in wrong behavior can do that.

As long as I remember that you’re capable of hurting me, I will always hesitate to trust you.

Regardless of who you are or were to someone. Regardless of your history or closeness. Regardless of whether they also hurt you.  You are not entitled to their attention, forgiveness, or time. Recognize those things as privileges, things to be consistently earned. Then choose to behave in a way that shows you deserve them.

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